Ok, So I guess it's been since last year that I posted anything on here.
I was writing a reply in the comment section of some shitty post about a band on facebook and I started rambling. So here it is:
"If anything, Rage against the machine is SUPER overrated. Also, Slipknot does not suck. If it would I wouldn't listen to them. What's so important about me? I don't fuckin' know man... I just came here to get pissed off by people's reactions. Maybe I should do something with my life instead of roaming the comment section of something I don't agree with anyway. Ok, having kind of an emotional breakdown here. I guess hunting for a job in this economy is stressing me out like WAY too much because I can't catch a break. You know what, fuck you man... Not seriously. I need help but I want to be autonomous. I saw this piece of human waste on "catfish" yesterday and it really got to me. This guy drove a fuckin' Maserati and 3 other really nice cars. He had a nice house and his own fuckin' company. He seemed like the dumbest fuck alive, and I'm sitting here. Feeling like a douchebag, even though I'm always nice to people. Maybe even more like a sucker, you know? Fairly certain that I might've missrolled some dice even before I was born and now I'm dealt a shit hand for the rest of my miserable life. Every single time I find the strength to pick myself up again (which takes a hell of a wile), I get knocked down by running into damn fools who don't see my potential. Because when I set my mind to something that catches my interest, I damn well push through and get results. But that doesn't seem to fuckin' matter for some reason."
I caved.... Caved after 3 sentences. It all came out of my fingers for some reason. I've had about enough of everything again. I'm starting to avoid people reaching out to me and making human contact seems to become more of a chore as days progress.
So to give people some back story, over several past months I've been in a day care clinic for my mental health. I've been struggling with anxiety since I can remember and it took me a while to get over it through group therapy. I must admit it did help a lot more than I anticipated, but only short term. As soon as I got back out into the real world everything started to crumble quite fast again. The renewed energy I once had has faded once more. It's hard to focus on anything at the moment, my shoulders are feeling super tense and everything in my body just seems to be locking up. I don't want to need help again. I'm running out of time super fast. I'm almost 32 for Pete's sake. I've been up for a few hours now and it already feels like I ran out of energy again. If I start thinking about all the things that I should do today I'm getting internal mini freak outs. I want to scream, but there's no sound.
