The world: An economic prison we built.

As the title of this post says, I think the world is an economic prison that we built over the years. Especially since the industrial revolution.

We thrive for wealth and comfort in this society more than anything else and it's biting us in the ass more than we realise. The way I see it we are emprisoned by the lifestyle we've created. More comfort requires more currency and the only way to get currency is to spend currency and get more by spending more in the first place. In this case, I am of course talking about studies.

But that's only part of the issue that I see...

Every single day we work towards a salary that gives us a false sense of freedom. You can't spend it on whatever you like as certain things are forbidden or unable for us to afford. Most of us use our salary to survive and pay of our debts to have a roof over our heads and the provisions that go along with it. To me, we are slaves of our own system (most of us anyway). We do not find the time to do things around the house as both men and women have to work to pay for their expenses, debts and taxes. Having more than 1 hobby is nearly impossible, definitely if you decide to raise children. First they give you the choice to determine your studies which in ideal cases (and having to call this ideal is just rediculous for me) you will do for the rest of your remaining life until you die.. Having to make that choice is mind-wrecking in my opinion. The very thought of having to make that choice frightens me. I have made my choice a while ago, but it took me a lot longer than most of the people my age. I'm finding trouble living with this idea.

Because people want to get away from this, some of them try drugs to alter their perception. Because drugs are made illegal they put you in prison upon posession or only when using them in some cases. So get this.. They put you in a prison, within the prison you're trying to escape. Fantastic. Taking away your basic freedoms because you felt  you didn't have enough to begin with. Rehab clinics to make you get rid of your escape to your false sense of freedom (some call it addiction, it all depends on how one perceives this matter) are built just so you can return to your initial imprisoned, self-created, thriving and economically rich society.

Yes, most of us have probably realised all of this. But the fact that everyone just accepts it as it is, this is what bothers me most. Just today someone admitted their acceptance of this matter to me and I was baffled at how people just lay down their heads and just seem to go with this flow. This flow induces stress, which is its turns into severe psychological illness. A sick psyche equals a sick body.

I could go on and on about this but sadly, there is no point as nothing will change anytime soon.

It's sad to see that what we've created needs nothing short of a miracle to be altered.

(EDIT: I'm not promoting drugs, every excessive use of a substance is harmful!!!)

Moments of self-loathing and despair

It's that time again, the time where I see no way out of the misery that is my future.

Everything that has happened in my life leading up to this point involves a lot of pain, frustration, desperation, dishonesty and abasement.

I am a 27 year old man that wants a life of his own, yet my conscience stands in the way of this so many times you wouldn't believe it. I am (under the given situation) forced to live with my parents. My current situation makes it so that I hardly have any strength to keep going with my life. I need to find a stimulant or a boost to keep going. At this point, nothing does it for me. You could tell me: "But Foor, you have a girlfriend who loves you and stands by you and wants a future with you, why would you feel this way!?". Well, I love my girlfriend very much, but I'm afraid of not being able to give her the future she deserves at this pace. My life is nowhere I want it to be right now. My emotions get in the way of what I'm supposed to do. It's like my body and mind rebel against everything that is expected of me in order to get where I want to be. I also feel that I have the worst luck at any given time. Lots of things that I want are out of reach and every little hump I need to get over feels like a mountain that I'm unable to climb in my current state.

It would be great, just to be "me" for one single day. But in my given circumstance this is impossible. I have to do what is expected of me, and I'm SO sick and tired of it. It gives me this feeling balling up in my chest, screaming to get out. I wish I could explain this. It's a mixture of dismay and hatred. Impotence... like I'm up against a greater force that goes against my grain at every single turn. I need to find a spark in my life. A spark that doesn't seem that far away. Something that drives me to the goal you know!? I don't have that at this point. I can hardly visualize anything into the near future anymore.

I want to scream help, but as I seem a riddle to most, no help will come to aid me in my time of darkness.....