It's that time again, the time where I see no way out of the misery that is my future.
Everything that has happened in my life leading up to this point involves a lot of pain, frustration, desperation, dishonesty and abasement.
I am a 27 year old man that wants a life of his own, yet my conscience stands in the way of this so many times you wouldn't believe it. I am (under the given situation) forced to live with my parents. My current situation makes it so that I hardly have any strength to keep going with my life. I need to find a stimulant or a boost to keep going. At this point, nothing does it for me. You could tell me: "But Foor, you have a girlfriend who loves you and stands by you and wants a future with you, why would you feel this way!?". Well, I love my girlfriend very much, but I'm afraid of not being able to give her the future she deserves at this pace. My life is nowhere I want it to be right now. My emotions get in the way of what I'm supposed to do. It's like my body and mind rebel against everything that is expected of me in order to get where I want to be. I also feel that I have the worst luck at any given time. Lots of things that I want are out of reach and every little hump I need to get over feels like a mountain that I'm unable to climb in my current state.
It would be great, just to be "me" for one single day. But in my given circumstance this is impossible. I have to do what is expected of me, and I'm SO sick and tired of it. It gives me this feeling balling up in my chest, screaming to get out. I wish I could explain this. It's a mixture of dismay and hatred. Impotence... like I'm up against a greater force that goes against my grain at every single turn. I need to find a spark in my life. A spark that doesn't seem that far away. Something that drives me to the goal you know!? I don't have that at this point. I can hardly visualize anything into the near future anymore.
I want to scream help, but as I seem a riddle to most, no help will come to aid me in my time of darkness.....
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