Death to Dj's and FM radio!

Remember when you turned on the radio and heard music that had soul in it for hours on end? YEAH ME NEITHER!

I can't believe what music has come to these days. The majority of popular music has become the worst kind. Always that electronic bullshit that gets pumped into our skulls. It's like people miss the old 56k modem connection sound and want to bring it back, but this time for hours on end!

I rarely turn on my FM radio because of this.. And not to think about the rambling Dj's and retarded callers in-between the blocks of "crap" that people call music these days. I swear to god, listen to this long enough, and if you start to love it, your IQ probably plummeted to 20 in that time. People even call the damn station and when asked a question, they usually sound brain-dead. It's like: "Uh.. uh.. Yes. Uh.. uh no, hihihihihehehe" motherfucking shit-smeared mongoloids! I hate em all! Fucking with the one thing I truly love.. Real music!

We have this so-called "artist" here who managed to fuck up sweet child o' mine somehow. How he ever got the rights to this tune must be because Axel Rose is so fucking coke-ridden these days that he doesn't even bloody know what it's about anymore. Doo dee doo doo dee doo dee doo.. Everyone knows this one. Well, one of them said fuck it up the ass with a rake, used it as a sample and made electronic garbage out of it. And not to forget that singer he has. Besides from the fact that she's totally hot she's completely oblivious about how she's screwing up one of the most important songs of the late 80's with this horse-tooth douche-bag. I'm not a big G&R fan but really... What the flying fuck!?

There are a lot of "artists" that blatantly rip off any riff or piece of music and make their own electronic mess out of it. And the fact that they make money off of this annoys me endlessly. There used to be artists that made soul food and made money off of this. Now that is totally understandable. But the garbage they praise these days is absolutely ridiculous!

I could go on about this for hours and hours on end. But I'm not going to. I guess everyone sees my yet again negative perspective of this..

Once again the people of the world found a way to get on my nerves..

Now I know...

Now I finally know what has been giving me stress and tearing me apart.

My parents had been gone for a week and I felt fine that entire week (except for another fucking problem with my ex, FUCKING HELL I'm getting tired of this). I even slept normally, which is a big deal for me!! My girlfriend stayed over and we filled our days with fun and relaxation which we both desperately needed it seems.

The second my parents returned from their trip I started sleeping badly, and feeling very uncomfortable. I'm trying to fix up an old laptop for future recordings at the moment. This is a very hard task considering my son is here. And he's at a terrible age where he needs mountains of attention (can't do anything for myself) and breaks EVERYTHING he gets his hands on. The tension over here is just through the roof at the moment. That and many questions I have in my life at the moment. I'm not contempt at all with the way things are going lately. It's even the little things in life that can't go right.

My stomach is upset, acid reflux is just around the corner and I have a heavy feeling in my chest. I haven't felt these things for an entire week!!! And I found out why..

It's because I didn't have to deal with other people for almost an entire week! Just my GF and me. Which worked out great. Nobody thwarting my (or our) plans and a little bit of bliss which I hadn't felt in ages. Now all I hear is screaming, noise, the wrecking of stuff and utter, utter chaos. I hate this. I like controlled chaos, but this is just uncontrolled nonsense and irritance (which does not appear to be real word in the English vocabulary).

I wish I could get away from all this, Live my life the way I want it to. But I'm afraid I will never be truly happy. Even during that week I found certain stuff needed to change and I still wasn't happy with the way things were going on other levels, even though I was moderately relaxed..

Once again I get the feeling that I wasn't made for this world. Something about me is so very wrong... But I can't put my finger on it. I don't know how to fix this because I grew up in this. I'd have to completely cut myself loose from everything that's going on in my life right now and start anew. I have no idea on how to do this... I fear the unknown and I lack the strength to leap into something else right now.

Hope for a better tomorrow is fading... Because I've always been hoping... hoping for an enjoyable life. I feel frustrated and confused...

*sigh*