Lackluster

"Ich hab keine lust"

A lyric in a Rammstein song, and super fitting in my current situation. I can't find solace in anything anymore. I'm tired most of the time. I'm in bed whilst typing right now even. It's 18.35 on a tuesday... I hardly slept last night.

I try to think of things that truly excite me, that make me want to get up and go out into the world. Nothing comes to mind. The only moments I can still enjoy from time to time are of a sexual nature. Everything else seems like a chore. I should go out and be actively hunting for a job, but my morale is dead. It's at an all time low. I feel light headed because of exhaustion. I need a drink and a hug...

I'm also afraid. Afraid to not find a job where I feel I'll fit in. Having to do that job for the rest of my miserable life until I die. Where is the passion I so desperately need? There's wax left, but the candle burnt out prematurely. Its wick is fucked beyond belief...