It is ...
I once again loved with all my heart, even more than I could've possibly imagined. Even more than last time I crushed on someone. The feeling was overwhelming at times... Not only for me it seems... She couldn't take it and was scared of my over-enthousiasm and I don't blame her...
Never have I felt about anyone the way I feel about her. when she smiled I felt warm and happy inside. She has the most beautiful smile, body, eyes and personality I've ever seen. And the way she smells... So divine. And now I feel empty, shattered... Like I've been dealt a good hand once, only to have it taken away. I got to taste what I could never have... And that thought destroys me to my very core.
I'm sick and tired of feeling everything so intensely. I thought I could handle this. I can't... This is the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm lost. I've been in a psych ward for over 5 months now and what changed? The fact that I'm taking meds that seemingly made me feel better. But some emotions can't be held back. Not by anything except heavy dosages of tranquilizers. I feel like I'm back to square one. Losing all hope of a normal life...
I keep crashing and burning, each time for the worse. I don't know how long I can take this feeling anymore. I should've died on that ski trip years ago, where I almost fell to my death. Just a few inches to the right and bye-bye... No more pain.
I've had it...
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